Sad

I've been really sad the last couple days and today I had tears come on a few times. I'm just so saddened by some of the people I feel should know me and be there for me... and are not. It hurts my heart. I'm also sad because my kids are disappointed and I feel responsible for it, like I've failed them somehow as their provider/parent.
I just feel really old and helpless.
D.

Pain and stuff like that there

I haven't blogged much because when I'm on the computer I'm only on for a couple minutes, back and forth etc because the pain in my back/neck/shoulders/arms is so intense I can't stay in one position for longer than that.
I had another MRI last week and it showed I have cervical spinal stenosis, a herniated disc in my neck, osteophytes/bone spurs in my neck. I apparently will need spinal surgery. Nothing really fazes me anymore, I just hope that this is a conclusive diagnosis and will make this fucking pain stop. And why the HELL this wasn't diagnosed ten months ago and five MRI's ago is beyond me.
There is more I'd like to blog about, but it hurts too much.
One little thing:
Mice in my house are not thrilling me, the dead one beside my bed this morning really grossed me out and was a nice note to start the day on.
I really hope things look up soon.
D.