the little black cloud that follows me around

Holy crap, I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted on here!! *slaps self* I seriously need to update this thing a TINY bit more often. *blush*

So let's see....where to begin. My oldest son is doing okay in college, he's been home for the holidays for the last month and goes back this weekend. My youngest son has been bowing some to peer pressure and I've been pissed off and worried, but I hope he's seen the light at the end of the popularity tunnel. Holidays were okay, because I had the temporary spinal surgery again Nov. 28th. The two months leading up to that surgery I won't even get into details on...let's just say the first surgery's pain relief lasted 5 weeks, so the interim was soooooo painful I was seriously contemplating harming myself.

I finally saw the neuro surgeon that I've been waiting 7 months to see this week. It did NOT go well. He was a total DICK to me, and basically said he won't operate and insinuated I'm a crybaby that needs psychological help. Uh huh. So I was feeling somewhat suicidal again after that appointment and I'm still trying to figure out how the HELL I am going to cope with this pain. It's been 5 weeks now since the last surgery, and the pain started coming back pretty badly last week. Nuff said for now.

Oh!! Here's something funny, in a "my luck is the worst luck on the face of the earth" kind of way.... Last week I was standing at my bathroom sink brushing my teeth and I heard a thump behind me. I turned just in time for the laundry room door to fall off its hinges and slam into my face. Broken nose and a black eye later....! How fucking RANDOM was that, I ask you!!?? That black cloud needs to take the express bus to Greenland, seriously.

I finally bade a farewell (for my own closure) to the love of my life. After leaving me hanging for so long and saying he needed to find himself, he apparently found someone else also in the process. I'd already come to terms with the fact he is not capable of committing to me, so it wasn't a huge surprise, to be honest. I don't think I'll ever love that way again though. I know people say that, but I gave him my soul.

Now I just need to find my soul again. This year I need to do things for myself. Which may be difficult given the fact I live in constant agony, but I'm going to try.
Wow, what a downer this post has been, huh!?

Ending on a positive note: I have a friend who is a sex god and that, my friends, has never been better. He makes me forget the pain for a while...in fact, he makes me forget that I don't speak french and watch the french channel for an hour before I realize it's not english. Ha!!

D.