going through the motions...

I've never been so sad in my entire life as since Chloe passed away. It was the worst thing and this is the only time I will talk about it. She suffered terribly her last two days on earth. She couldn't walk and could barely stand, and when she did she would fall over and just lay there. It totally broke my heart, and I got the vet to come as soon as I could to end her misery. I was hoping it would be a peaceful passing, but it was not. It took two sedative injections and two lethal injections, the second directly into her heart to end it. I was absolutely hysterical with grief. I still can't type about it without tears in my eyes. My poor darling girl. We laid her to rest at Cory's in her garden and I was beyond losing my shit...I couldn't work for two days and even on the third day I was so griefstricken I don't know how I even got through that night of teaching. I was choking back tears the entire time. I went through so much, blaming myself at times (thinking I should have either gotten her to the vet earlier or done something, I don't even know what...I was incoherent in my sadness) I don't think I'll ever fully get over her death. Anyone that says losing a pet isn't the same as a family member/human being has never truly loved a pet. I miss her so much every day. :( :( She was like one of my children, I had her for nearly 17 years and she was my best friend. She was always there for me, through my divorce, my illnesses, raising my children by myself...I miss her so much.
Yesterday we got a new fur friend. I feel guilty about it. I hope wherever Chloe is, she doesn't think I've replaced her because she can never be replaced in my heart; she's there forever. I'll tell you about the new friend later...he was a real gift, but I can't talk about him yet in respect for my sweet Chloe..rest in peace, my sweet baby jane, I can't wait to see you again one day; I miss you every single day.
:(
D.

R.I.P. Chloe (1993-2010)

My incredible sadness and heartache are overwhelming. :( :(
D.

quick blog post

I can't say much here, because I've been crying for nearly 24 straight hours. Chloe is in terrible shape and I've never felt so sorry for any living thing. She's breaking my heart and I wish I could end her suffering right now.
I'm going to get the vet to euthanize her tomorrow so I'll be in no shape for blogging for a while.
D.

:(

I'm very sad.
There just doesn't seem to be much to look forward to any more.
Soon I'll have no Braden, no Chloe...I'll just have nothing, really.
D.

New year, nothing else new really...

The holidays came and went. Braden is still stealing, and has an appointment today to see about finding somewhere else to live. So not much has changed, basically. I hope he finds somewhere though. *sigh* I feel like such a failure as a parent where he's concerned. I sincerely hope he can turn his own life around, because I certainly haven't been able to.
The cat is still hanging on. She has her good and bad days. She's obviously fading, but still seems to find some enjoyment out of life and my company so I'm leaving it as is for now. Makes me sad, I'll miss the little furball so much. I've had her as long as I've had Braden, and she's given me MUCH less hassle!
Back to work this week; going well.
D.