my son the card

Braden: "This is our cat's thought trend...Mom pets me, I purr, I follow her around, I get fed, get water, get lots of treats, I have diarrhea, then the tall one cleans it."


(after he finished cleaning diarrhea out of the litter box, natch.)
D.

nad busting

Ever have one of those days/weeks/lives where you just want to beat the living crap out of all other human beings/inanimate objects from utter frustration and rage?
Yeah.
That would be me today and possibly all days of late.
So was it the doctor who prescribed me the medication that nearly killed me a month ago asking how I was doing on that medication this morning that drove me over the edge? No. Was it him being an utter moron and asking me if I'd like to try some new medication after the last one nearly killed me and gave me a heart condition? No. Was it the fact I'm having problems with the government and totally stressed out over money and my son going to college? No. Was it trying to get my other son ready for high school? No. Was it administrative problems with the music studio today and them making me once again look like I am a complete fuckup to my students? No. Was it the worry of having spinal surgery tomorrow morning? No. Well, all this stuff combined may have helped, but the thing that was the final straw that made me completely lose it???
Harvey's didn't put ketchup in the bag with my fries.
Yeah.
I asked them twice in my defence!
:P
and argh.
D.

school daze

The good news this week is that my son Alex was accepted into the college we had hoped for!YAY,and he's very excited!! Very last minute, however, so we are now scrambling to get everything in order for him to start school in the next three weeks. We have one week to basically pay for everything, and with me being on disability and him only working approximately 3 hours a week, not as easy task! I'm very stressed out and just hope everything will work out for him!
Painwise, things are getting worse all the time, and I'm looking forward to the surgery on my spine Aug 29th, which will also be the weekend Alex will have to move to Oakville! More stress. But hopefully it will all work out, and I'll get it all organized before my surgery date.
Okay, can't sit here long to type. It's agony, truth be told.
Talk soon,
D.

Sad

I've been really sad the last couple days and today I had tears come on a few times. I'm just so saddened by some of the people I feel should know me and be there for me... and are not. It hurts my heart. I'm also sad because my kids are disappointed and I feel responsible for it, like I've failed them somehow as their provider/parent.
I just feel really old and helpless.
D.

Pain and stuff like that there

I haven't blogged much because when I'm on the computer I'm only on for a couple minutes, back and forth etc because the pain in my back/neck/shoulders/arms is so intense I can't stay in one position for longer than that.
I had another MRI last week and it showed I have cervical spinal stenosis, a herniated disc in my neck, osteophytes/bone spurs in my neck. I apparently will need spinal surgery. Nothing really fazes me anymore, I just hope that this is a conclusive diagnosis and will make this fucking pain stop. And why the HELL this wasn't diagnosed ten months ago and five MRI's ago is beyond me.
There is more I'd like to blog about, but it hurts too much.
One little thing:
Mice in my house are not thrilling me, the dead one beside my bed this morning really grossed me out and was a nice note to start the day on.
I really hope things look up soon.
D.

quiz i stole from Adele ;)

Ten things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now. Don't list any names.
1. I wish you would hurry up and find yourself...and find me again in the process.
2. You are so selfish sometimes and it drives me insane.
3. You are the light of my life and I don't know what I'd do without you and your help most days.
4. I won't be speaking to you again.
5. Stop deleting my damn blogs before I'm done!!! :P
6. You are such a good friend to me.
7. You really should give your head a good shake!
8. I hope kharma gets you one day.
9. You really are too amusing!
10. If I hadn't known you forever I wonder if we would still be friends...


Nine things about yourself.
1. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, though possibly jaded...
2. I have osteogenesis imperfecta and type one diabetes among other assorted maladies.
3. I love art and most music.(country and rap being exceptions!)
4. I love to paint.
5. I'm a classically trained pianist and vocalist.
6. I'm a vegetarian (this is fairly new)
7. I hate pancakes and creamed corn.
8. I love to drive fast.
9. I secretly love celebrity gossip.



Eight ways to win your heart.
1. Appreciate Matt Good / Barry Manilow.
2. BE Matt Good / Barry Manilow (teehee)
3. Be honest
4. Be intelligent
5. Have a dry/sarcastic sense of humour
6. big noses!!!! :) (rawwwr)
7. Be democratically political
8. Be kind to animals and people

Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1. Him.
2. Songs
3. Ideas for paintings
4. Pain and my dislike of it
5. My kids
5. Worrisome things....like did I lock the door, turn the stove off...etc.
6. Things I need to do/finish
7. Money worries

Six things you wish you never did.
1. Get married.
2. Screw up my credit :(
3. Get sick
4. Get my hair cut a couple years ago (thankfully it grows!)
5....
6....

Five turn-offs.
1. Stupidity
2. Ignorance
3. Conceit
4. Smokers
5. Bad odours

Four turn-ons.
1. Big noses
2. Slightly younger men *blush*
3. Sense of humour
4. Good smells

Three good and bad moments in your life you'll never forget.
Good
1. Going to college/ The 80's in general :)
2. Visiting San Francisco :)
3. Meeting Matt Good :)

Bad
1. My marriage/divorce
2. Death of loved ones/pets
3. Nearly dying in 1998

Two things you want to do before you die.
1.Visit San Francisco again
2. Visit various other places like Paris,England, Italy, Australia

One confession.
1. I love someone.

Matt Good, cars, bills and stuff

Last Monday I had cortisone shots in both my shoulders....the following two days were kind of hellish...cortisone plays havoc with my diabetes (makes my sugar skyrocket) and it's very painful for a couple days after I have them. But now the pain has receded a LOT yayayayayay!!! Last time the pain was gone for ten days, this time I hope longer!! Any relief is appreciated!!
Friday I went to see Matt Good again, this time with a full band. I met my Matt Good friends Falina and John beforehand, and it turned out they were sitting right behind me at the concert, we couldn't have planned it better!! Matt was in fine form. It was an awesome night!
I haven't had a car in two weeks. I thought the alternator was gone, but it turns out it was just the battery. Thank god, because it turns out my brakes were waaaaaaaaaay worse than I originally thought, and they're costing me 1200 bucks, being fixed as we speak. The paying of said bill will take many months, but it's been horrible without the car, so you do what you have to do!!
D.

the end of the endless winter from hell....we hope

There has been actual warmth and sunshine the last couple days; what a departure, I was worried the sun might have forsaken us permanently for a while there. Whew.

I haven't blogged in forever, I know. My life is such a whirlwind of pain and drugs, it's hard to tear myself away!! haha Seriously, at least I have a bit of pain control with the meds and the chiropractor and physio etc.
I'm hopeful the pain may leave again one day.

Not much else going on. I've painted...umm...once or twice. I should get back into it, but I still have a lot of bad pain days. I really hope that changes now that nicer weather is finally here.

I'm boring today. I have nothing else. :P

D.

well......!!!

After the last 2 months of amazingly hellish pain, and waiting in breathless agony for the last 7 months-ish, I had my hemotology appointment on Tuesday finally. Turns out "hemotology clinic" is a fancy way of saying cancer clinic. They did a bunch of blood tests and ultra sounds which ruled out leukemia, thankfully. My hemoglobin was low, but otherwise the blood tests weren't bad. They also did a bone marrow biopsy, which are not for the faint of heart. They said they had never done one on someone with osteogenesis imperfecta before so yay, for my being a guinea pig and it was the most difficult one they said they had ever done. But I survived. They're checking for myeloma in the bones. I also have to do a 24 hour urine collection in a huge-ass jug they gave me so they can check for some kind of proteins that are present in urine if you have bone cancer apparently. That sounds fun, carrying Jug 0'Piss around the hospital my next visit, eh ;)

But I don't think it's cancer. I went to the rheumatologist on Thursday, because I seriously wanted to die from the pain at that point, and could no longer even raise my arms to brush my teeth or raise a fork to feed myself, or sleep for more than ten minutes at a time even on percacet every 3 hours. This time he said it's the rheumatoid arthritis, and SEVERELY so. He said there's fluid build up on my neck and upper spine causing the extreme shoulder pain and deformity. He gave me 3 cortisone shots, one in each shoulder and one in my hip. I had a really rough night Thursday night, but yesterday the pain was about 50% better, which was such a relief!! I know it's just a temporary band aid, but man, the pain's been so awful.

So the rheumatologist is putting me on a different medication for the rheumatoid, as the methotrexate is obviously not working. I have to try several more "cheaper" meds before they'll allow me to try remocade, (which a friend of mine is on and says it's like a miracle drug) as it's more expensive. I wonder if the people "at the top" suffered through this pain if they'd have to wait months and years and try other things...hmmm....

Oh!! On a positive note: the hemo clinic doctors told me there's a new experimental treatment for osteogenesis that i'm eligible for! They've submitted my appliction for it. It takes a few months to get approved, but apparently patients with it have 80% less fractures! You have to go and get it by IV every couple weeks for several hours. This is the first time EVER anyone has given me any hope whatsoever of treating this damn disease; I'm stoked! :)

Oh!! Another positive note: Going to see Matt Good again for my birthday this Thursday, my birthday present from Seanie!! Poor Matt's super sick with food poisoning right now though, I hope he's up to it by then.

So glad to be even in a fraction less pain, :),
D.

blech

I haven't blogged much lately. Whatever is wrong with me health-wise has been worsening to the point where I really can't stand the pain at all any more. The neverending winter from hell isn't helping much either.
Only 11 days now until I see the specialist, I'm just hoping they can figure out what's wrong and fix it.
Sorry it's a short entry, but I can't sit for long with the pain to type. I'll update after I see the specialist.
D.

on the upswing?

sometimes my posts are a little uh...down, I know, to put it mildly.
Last night I was feeling super depressed, but luckily posting depressing poetry I wrote on here did help me vent. :D (sorry , ha)

I didn't sleep at all last night between worrying about things, pain, and the stupid cat yowling right beside my head every time I would have the audacity to doze off.

I had talked to my other best friend, Mike, last night earlier though and planned to meet him for coffee this morning. Well, he had coffee, my stomach could only cope with diet coke. Mike's my oldest (and bestest along with Seanie) friend; we went to college for music together back in the Dark Ages and we've not been able to scrape each other off since. :P
I do find that spending time with Mike or Sean and being able to talk about things definitely does make me feel better.
I'm still feeling very sick today, but my soul feels a bit better. :)
And I don't think any cat or beast could keep me awake again tonight in my exhausted state! :P
Deb out.
D.

some days

Some days
I just get sick of feeling sick
Sick of being alone
Sick of waiting
Some days
I wish that you
Would rush to my side
Like I would to yours
If the tables were turned.
Some days
I just feel disheartened.
And sick.

D.

lazy me, paint and bureacratic b.s.

Yeah so I haven't blogged since before Christmas, sue me.
I haven't been that well, still waiting for the March 11th hemotology appointment, unless there's a cancellation before then, (which I am not, at this point, holding my breath for)
I'm getting by though. Even did some painting last week, first time since I got sick five months-ish ago, I think.
So what's new? hmmm, let's see. My sweet best friend Seanie bought Matt Good tickets for Matt's Cleveland concert on my birthday March 20th for a birthday gift for me..:) That's the good news. The bad news was that when I went to get my passport so I can go, last week, I was informed I couldn't get a passport because my birth certificate had EXPIRED. WTF!!! Most effing retarded thing I ever heard of. Apparently birth certificates issued in the province of Quebec before 1994 have been declared invalid because they were accepting some forms of religious i.d. for them prior to then....or some such stupid shit. You would think they would notify people of this, but nooooo. So I had to get my MPP to help me, pay an extra 50 bucks to rush the application as i need to travel in March, and pay 20 bucks to courier the i.d. and the application to Quebec because they don't "like " faxes. For a birth certificate I already had, basically. And they've known this since 1994. And I've went to the States twice since then, and could ostensibly have been refused re entry into Canada as my only i.d. showing my citizenship is "invalid". Nice, eh.
Then, if there is no problem with getting the birth certificate, i can then pay twice as much as normal (170 bucks) to try and accelerate the passport application process. Craziness. What a country.
I really swear I was Hitler in a former life to deserve the punishment that is this one sometimes.
D.