le sigh

I can go from so happy to so miserable in such an inordinately short span of time I think I might actually lose my mind.
I'm so sad that some of my friends think I am really just a selfish, manipulative nasty person. I honestly have never seen myself as deliberately manipulating anyone ever, and if I have complained or vented to friends, it's because they were friends, I thought that's what friends do, and I would certainly reciprocate, and have, for anyone wanting to talk to me. I never meant to be demanding or anything else. It saddens me to be seen this way. I hate myself. Can you really be so selfish if you hate yourself? Maybe that in itself is selfish, I don't even know anymore. I certainly don't like myself at all. And feel I can't be myself, because myself is an asshole it seems.
:( I'm going to have to try to turn myself into something that people can actually like. I thought I was a good person, but now I don't think so anymore.
D.