It's been simply a horrible week. Braden has done many rotten, some illegal things, and I am done. I've come to the conclusion there is no solution except for him to move out. I've done everything humanly possible to try and turn him from the path he seems determined to follow, and I think the only recourse now is to exercise tough love and let him learn how hard it is to fend for himself in the real world. It breaks my heart, but he just is not figuring it out. I can't have him stealing from me and lying to me all the time and just keep enabling him to do that.
*sigh*
I feel so alone. Once the cat is gone, (she is a feisty girl and appears to have rallied some...I think she will still not be with me much longer, but I've put off the inevitable for the time being, as she seems comfortable) I will truly be alone. Not the greatest time of year to feel that way, although it's never a good time really. I just have this feeling of utter hopelessness; like there really is nothing at all to look forward to or be happy about any more.
D.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
...and beyond...
god, what a week.
Things just keep getting worse and worse with Braden. Greg didn't show up either on Sunday, or yesteday like he promised. He's no help at all.
On top of everything, my poor baby kitty, who I've had nearly 17 years, the same length of time I've had Braden, is dying. It's heartbreaking....she can barely walk now or even stand; her hind legs seem to not work and it's making me cry constantly. I have to wait until Monday for the vet to come....I think she'll have to be put to sleep. :( :( I love this cat; I'm heartbroken. I know she's had a long life, but I will miss her so much. My poor little girl.
I had gotten 200 bucks for the vet and had it on my dresser. Braden knew what it was for, and this morning I counted it again before I put it in my wallet and 20 bucks was missing....then Braden's guidance counsellor called to say he wasn't in school today. Hmmmm shall we put this together and get "Braden skipped school cuz he stole money and was likely doing drugs?" Talk about lowest of the low stealing from the vet fund of his dying pet cat though. *sigh*
I just don't know what to do any more. Greg is supposed to actually come here this morning...he damn well better this time1
D.
Things just keep getting worse and worse with Braden. Greg didn't show up either on Sunday, or yesteday like he promised. He's no help at all.
On top of everything, my poor baby kitty, who I've had nearly 17 years, the same length of time I've had Braden, is dying. It's heartbreaking....she can barely walk now or even stand; her hind legs seem to not work and it's making me cry constantly. I have to wait until Monday for the vet to come....I think she'll have to be put to sleep. :( :( I love this cat; I'm heartbroken. I know she's had a long life, but I will miss her so much. My poor little girl.
I had gotten 200 bucks for the vet and had it on my dresser. Braden knew what it was for, and this morning I counted it again before I put it in my wallet and 20 bucks was missing....then Braden's guidance counsellor called to say he wasn't in school today. Hmmmm shall we put this together and get "Braden skipped school cuz he stole money and was likely doing drugs?" Talk about lowest of the low stealing from the vet fund of his dying pet cat though. *sigh*
I just don't know what to do any more. Greg is supposed to actually come here this morning...he damn well better this time1
D.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Beside myself
Things just keep going further and further to hell.
Braden has stolen money from me already this week, and last night I went to take my mild sleeping pill (the one that gives me even that five or so hours of sleep I have so much trouble getting) and found out he'd stolen two weeks' worth of them from me. Bad enough he was stealing the painkillers that I now have to keep at Cory's house in her safe (don't even go there about the lengths I have taken to hide this shit from him; he's broken into my safe and found every single hiding place until I had to physically remove them from the premises) and if I'm in pain I have to wait until she can bring me some...but now I won't be sleeping for the rest of this month because I can't get more...I get a set amount that is one a day per month and now they're gone. And he of course lies and says he didn't take them "doesn't know what they're even for" Yeah, right. That was his story with the percacets for the last year and he finally admitted he took them. I know exactly how many sleeping pills were in that container and when it was filled. I'm not stupid. On top of it, he screamed at me for an hour last night calling me a 'fucking bitch' and a 'fucking cunt' many times interspersed with the f word every other word because I didn't believe him. I guess he's probably selling them to get his pot. Who knows. I hope he's not taking them. :(
I called his father to come get him tonight, but I doubt he will. He rarely returns my calls. I called Braden's school this morning and oh! what a surprise...he is failing 2 of his 4 classes and rarely attends school, though I see him off every day and he comes home when it's supposedly finished. The news just keeps getting better.
I can't cope with the stealing, lying, verbal abuse, not being able to have my medication I need in the house, or money , coming home after work to a mess that I left clean before work every day, on top of the health crap, the landlord crap...I am at the end of my rope. I'm so worried about him, and nothing I have done has changed the situation. I have seriously explored every avenue except kicking him out permanently, which seems the only thing left to do. :( It breaks my heart. I have tried getting him counselling, (he won't go), social workers, tried making contracts with him, tried getting his dad to help, the school to help, doing extracurricular stuff with him, spending more time with him, talking to him, outside agencies...wtf else can I do!!
D.
Braden has stolen money from me already this week, and last night I went to take my mild sleeping pill (the one that gives me even that five or so hours of sleep I have so much trouble getting) and found out he'd stolen two weeks' worth of them from me. Bad enough he was stealing the painkillers that I now have to keep at Cory's house in her safe (don't even go there about the lengths I have taken to hide this shit from him; he's broken into my safe and found every single hiding place until I had to physically remove them from the premises) and if I'm in pain I have to wait until she can bring me some...but now I won't be sleeping for the rest of this month because I can't get more...I get a set amount that is one a day per month and now they're gone. And he of course lies and says he didn't take them "doesn't know what they're even for" Yeah, right. That was his story with the percacets for the last year and he finally admitted he took them. I know exactly how many sleeping pills were in that container and when it was filled. I'm not stupid. On top of it, he screamed at me for an hour last night calling me a 'fucking bitch' and a 'fucking cunt' many times interspersed with the f word every other word because I didn't believe him. I guess he's probably selling them to get his pot. Who knows. I hope he's not taking them. :(
I called his father to come get him tonight, but I doubt he will. He rarely returns my calls. I called Braden's school this morning and oh! what a surprise...he is failing 2 of his 4 classes and rarely attends school, though I see him off every day and he comes home when it's supposedly finished. The news just keeps getting better.
I can't cope with the stealing, lying, verbal abuse, not being able to have my medication I need in the house, or money , coming home after work to a mess that I left clean before work every day, on top of the health crap, the landlord crap...I am at the end of my rope. I'm so worried about him, and nothing I have done has changed the situation. I have seriously explored every avenue except kicking him out permanently, which seems the only thing left to do. :( It breaks my heart. I have tried getting him counselling, (he won't go), social workers, tried making contracts with him, tried getting his dad to help, the school to help, doing extracurricular stuff with him, spending more time with him, talking to him, outside agencies...wtf else can I do!!
D.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Maybe I should rethink those antidepressents...?
Just not dealing well with everything right now. I'm so frustrated and sad.
My parents haven't even bothered to call me since the eye surgery (that was 5 days ago) to see how I made out. Not a surprise really. My oldest son also didn't bother... at least until he wanted to watch my cable last night and eat my food. Then he fought with me over helping move furniture so the fridge could be delivered today and left me to do it by myself. Braden steals from me and I keep finding rolling papers so he's obviously still doing drugs. I can barely get in and out of my house due to construction and deal with nothing but flack from the landlords. My broken leg won't heal, I can barely see, and I'm severely depressed. I so want to talk to someone about all this but I'm sure everyone's sick of my whining by now.
Got to go get ready for work.
D.
My parents haven't even bothered to call me since the eye surgery (that was 5 days ago) to see how I made out. Not a surprise really. My oldest son also didn't bother... at least until he wanted to watch my cable last night and eat my food. Then he fought with me over helping move furniture so the fridge could be delivered today and left me to do it by myself. Braden steals from me and I keep finding rolling papers so he's obviously still doing drugs. I can barely get in and out of my house due to construction and deal with nothing but flack from the landlords. My broken leg won't heal, I can barely see, and I'm severely depressed. I so want to talk to someone about all this but I'm sure everyone's sick of my whining by now.
Got to go get ready for work.
D.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Tired
I'm tired. Tired of fighting the landlords. Tired of all my health bullshit. Tired of dealing with a teenager with drug and stealing issues. Tired of the selfishness of my older son. Tired of my "family". So tired of dealing with everything alone.
Just tired.
:(
D.
Just tired.
:(
D.
Friday, November 6, 2009
"The clamps! You want I shoud use the clamps or clamp-like device, boss?" Futurama
It's been a weird week...
I've had major issues with the landlords and don't know how these people even live with themselves, seriously. I can't even get into it right now on here; it absolutely flabbergasts me in its completely asinine stupidity.
Poor Mike has been sick as a dog all week. He seems to have this H1N1 crap and I've felt so bad for him. He never gets sick (other than when he had cancer a few years back; DARK times)so it worries me when it happens. (after the cancer thing)
I had laser surgery on my right eye today for the hole in my retina. The procedure itself wasn't too bad, except for the "clamp" thing they use to hold your eyeball in place to laser it. Braden and I have now forever dubbed it the "eye clamp". Then you have to hold perfectly still for a series of blinding lights that are the laser and you feel half blind for several minutes after from the brightness of it, and your eye waters like crazy after being released from the clamp. Afterwards it did sting and it's still aching like a bitch. It's like a migraine mostly embedded in my eye. Vision's still a bit blurry, if I'm making typos in this entry, that's my excuse! The surgeon told me I will most likely have a permanent black dot in my vision in that eye, since the hole was right in my central line of vision. I'll take a black dot and partial vision loss over total blindness any day though! :)
I went to the fracture clinic yesterday and was told I'll be wearing this cast for at least another month until I see the ortho again Dec 2nd. Meh.
My eye is still aching so I will cut this entry short now.
D.
I've had major issues with the landlords and don't know how these people even live with themselves, seriously. I can't even get into it right now on here; it absolutely flabbergasts me in its completely asinine stupidity.
Poor Mike has been sick as a dog all week. He seems to have this H1N1 crap and I've felt so bad for him. He never gets sick (other than when he had cancer a few years back; DARK times)so it worries me when it happens. (after the cancer thing)
I had laser surgery on my right eye today for the hole in my retina. The procedure itself wasn't too bad, except for the "clamp" thing they use to hold your eyeball in place to laser it. Braden and I have now forever dubbed it the "eye clamp". Then you have to hold perfectly still for a series of blinding lights that are the laser and you feel half blind for several minutes after from the brightness of it, and your eye waters like crazy after being released from the clamp. Afterwards it did sting and it's still aching like a bitch. It's like a migraine mostly embedded in my eye. Vision's still a bit blurry, if I'm making typos in this entry, that's my excuse! The surgeon told me I will most likely have a permanent black dot in my vision in that eye, since the hole was right in my central line of vision. I'll take a black dot and partial vision loss over total blindness any day though! :)
I went to the fracture clinic yesterday and was told I'll be wearing this cast for at least another month until I see the ortho again Dec 2nd. Meh.
My eye is still aching so I will cut this entry short now.
D.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Is it the moon or am i sadly in need of anti-depressants?
It's a full moon and my friend Jewelle has been telling me that's the reason I've felt like my soul is dying for the last few days. I'm prone to fits of depression occasionally and I refuse to take anti-depressants because I already take enough prescription medicine. The last few days have not been pretty though. I've been trying to snap myself out of it to no avail. I just have never felt so alone and hopeless before.
I went to a couple of appointments at the hospital today; diabetic specialist and an MRI tonight. Mike took me to run errands.
I actually heard from Alex tonight; didn't think I ever would again, but he was friendly and stuff so I guess that's okay.
Hope I can break out of this funk soon.
D.
I went to a couple of appointments at the hospital today; diabetic specialist and an MRI tonight. Mike took me to run errands.
I actually heard from Alex tonight; didn't think I ever would again, but he was friendly and stuff so I guess that's okay.
Hope I can break out of this funk soon.
D.
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